Answer in Points

There's a lot of people losing jobs. I heard from my buddy at the old job yesterday, they lost another guy. Man stayed with the company for 15 years, went on paternity leave for 6 months, got laid off on his first day back. Bad time to be at work, good time to be in grad school...especially when your education is being funded.
I didnt like Chunky's last post. My issues start with her user handle itself....'Chunky' reminds me of Chunkey Pandey....which instantly reminds me of Harry Baweja's 'Qayamat', an extremely traumatic experience that I went through in 2nd yr engineering, thanks to my cable guy.
One thing I loved about the last post was that it was written in points. As a TA, you tend to start liking things written in points....they're generally easier to mark than essay type answers. I remember how I always had issues writing answers in points for my science exam in school. I never seemed to have enough points, plus it was extremely difficult to bullshit through the exam. Anyway, heres a few things I wanted to write about, in points (in no sorted order) -

- Ram Gopal Varma was wayyy ahead of the times when he made Satya. The movie is a masterpiece!! Then he started taking a few/several steps back with each movie, and got with the times. Now he's plain mediocre, maybe worse(depending on whether or not you have watched AAG)
-Cute movies make me happy. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist was a very cute movie. I liked!
-I'm excited about the IPL. I hope it starts on time, without much disruption because of the election.
- Congress will win this election, I think. BJP needs to get over the Hindutva agenda. But then, would they have anything to talk about? Both parties need a charismatic leader. And we need a PM who is guaranteed to live for the next 5 years without going on life support through their term.
- They're publishing my research paper in 3 different magazines it seems. I'm hoping it helps me get some sort of scholarship for the next year.
- I definitely have to learn to swim this summer. I've also been thinking about getting a motorcycle license. I definitely can't afford a bike though. Won't the license be just a waste of money? :(
- Wanna go travelling this summer, even if for 2 weeks. Maybe to Vancouver....or eastwards (Newfoundland Labrador)......or UK.....or Brazil....or anywhere....theres a world out there that needs to be travelled!
- Technical research papers are full of shit. In a 10 page research paper, theres max 3 pages worth of information, the rest is just padding.
- I can't imagine how North America's auto sector is ever going to get better
- E. Ruppert is a genius
-http://desi-talkies.blogspot.com/2009/02/dev-d-2009.html#4
part 4 of the movie, start watching at 10 mins and 10 secs. I'm slightly in love with Kalki Koechlin. Dev D was nice, the love story was sweet. I liked.
- Want to volunteer this summer, just can't find an organization who's ideas I believe in. Might go out and plant a few trees this summer. Any other suggestions/recommendations?
- NEED to find a thesis topic before the start of summer. Wish me luck.
- The 'Answer in Points' idea reminded me of a joke i heard in school.
Santa , Banta and Kartar Singh went to write an exam at school. The invigilator handed them the papers, and went to get a cup of tea. When he came back, he saw the three students sitting with their pants off, and writing the exam. He yelled "Ye kya kar rahe ho!??"
Santa replied "Sir, yahan likha hua hai.... Answer in briefs :$"

Revision...

• The games of the One really are very tricky. He makes sure you learn. He makes sure you remember your lessons. He makes sure He is remembered. He makes sure you never figure out if really everything happens for a reason, and if it does, what is the reason behind a certain happening.
• Things that happen are bound to happen.
• Not all losses are permanent. A minority of losses are permanent.
• You can always find something to be happy about or sad about, really depending on the kind of person you are.
• Moments of sorrow last way longer than relatively the same length moments of happiness.
• It is important to know what you are punished for, to realize your mistake.
• You do not feel the pain as much if you are not the victim.
• People are born to do masala-talking.
• The left hand side and the right hand side of life do not always balance in the end for anyone.
• Luck is a big factor.
• I'll know what I have only after I lose it.

Some things I've always known… just a quick recap is needed at times :) He does make sure the revisions are timely!

The Month of Love

The year just started and February is already here - the month that contains the day meant to celebrate love. Why is 2009 running so fast? Time is so dangerously relative... 2009 is the year that I think should stay on forever!

I realized sometime last year around this time, Valentine's day is just another day for people in love. Yes, they do something special that day, but they feel special throughout the year. Valentine's day leaves more of a negative impact and longing in the people who are love-deprived, even more for the people who have tasted the wine of love at some point down the memory lane... It's meant to make you feel the absence of love rather than the presence of love is my whole point. But anyway, apart from a sadist kind of a note there, I like the special "things" that people do or look forward for doing on that day. I like the planning process that leads to making that one day in the year extremely special. I especially like to see people all dressed up but covered by their winter jackets, and carrying a stem or a bouquet of brightly fresh red roses in their hands - either they received it, or are going to give it to their loved ones. I love it how businesses attempt to sell anything and everything on the pretext of Valentine's day. I love it absolutely how there are mushy mushy soft-toys, shops decorated in the colors of red and love. I love it how people's first Valentine's holds so much attention and excitement. I love it how that one day actually has love in the air in the very literal sense of the phrase.

Happy Valentine's Day people. May you be loved truly, sincerely and purely always... Love is a blessing, never take it for granted. You are special because you are loved. And yes, thanks for being there for me :). You all know who you are, and you all know how special you are to me. Lots and lots and lots of love :)

A day in his life

His day begins when his loving mother shakes him to wake him up to begin his exceedingly long day. This thirteen-year old child does not have the privilege of a morning sleep on the pretext of a stomach ache so he doesn't even try, although much like the other children of his age he loves sleeping in. He dresses up in his khaki colored nikker* and half-sleeved white shirt colored in shades of black, grey and brown over the last three days and hops, skips and jumps for a good fifty minutes to get to Basant Chowk, one of the busy parts of Mumbai, even before the horizon turns light crimson. Once he reaches his destination, a chirpy "Namaste babu!" is uttered to the grave looking gentleman sitting at the counter of the chai ki dukaan and he's all set to hustle about the place taking orders and serving the customers.

The morning time is extremely busy as the Indian population needs to wake up with a refreshing cup of tea in order to make their teeny-weeny contribution to the nation's progress. Splitting the clientele of the area with the only other chai shop in the vicinity, the grave looking owner of the chai shop makes sure that he keeps Chhotu and the like on his toes. The morning clientele of the shop has become pretty much regular. Chhotu even remembers the orders of some of the customers by heart, and repeats their orders as a confirmation from them and proceeds with their orders. The weekday morning blues of a number of grumpy sleepy customers sometimes have Chhotu chided to hurry up for their orders. As the day proceeds, Chhotu's legs get relaxed too. In between serving people, Chhotu also has the responsibility of filling up the display trays, cleaning the tables, and helping the people in the kitchen with meager tasks. There are times in the day when he stands still and stares at the television screen meant for customers, and switches back to reality only when Babu's loud shrill voice pierces his ears.

The chai shop attracts a multitude of diversely cultured people to it - ranging from shopkeepers to call center agents to foreign visitors. Occasionally, some young modern enthusiast asks Chhotu why he doesn't go to school and goes on to explain the benefits of education. Chhotu shrugs and gives his marveled response that he's happy where he is, he can understand what's written on the currency of India, and he can tell fake money from real one and that is all he really cares about. Perhaps that is his way of consoling himself now. Perhaps he really is happy. Being of an observant nature, Chhotu gets to learn every single day of his life. The foreign visitors who go to the chai shop "to get the real feel of India" don't look down on him as a menial person - they are well aware of the dignity of labour. In two years Chhotu has learnt enough English to understand and get his message through to the foreigners. He has also realized that the gora people give more tips than the desi crowd. Occasionally, he sees families coming to the place, where spoilt children of rich parents show attitudes and obstinacy. It is very hard for Chhotu to imagine how that is even possible. But well, he learns - people are different. Life is different to different people too.

Chhotu is what people name him when they see him the first time and call him to place an order "Oye Chhotu! Idhar aa." He's small - he's just thirteen, and that is the most common name that a small working boy gets in India. Chhotu actually has a name that only people in his family are aware of - Ramesh. His world - his mother, his 15 years old elder brother and his 2 years old younger sister, is thankfully a loving family. After Chhotu and his brother reaches in the evening after their long day, their mother has already cooked for them, and they are all set to eat dinner. Chhotu doesn't get to play every day, but every week he gets a day off, and that is what he spends with his friends playing on the roads and the dusty cricket ground close by along with helping his mother take care of his sister and helping her get some bare minimum necessities for the week. Things have been harder to manage for the family recently because of the demise of Chhotu's father and the non-working status of his mother since the birth of his two-years old sister.

He dreams as big as his size. He dreams of owning a similar chai shop some day. He dreams of contributing to get his sister married - his mother talks about that a lot. He dreams of being able to play cricket with his friends everyday. His unrealistic dreams involve meeting Hrithik Roshan some day, and of being extremely rich so that he doesn't have to work at all. Nevertheless, he can separate the reality from his virtual world, and is leading a content life for the moment. He doesn't have the time to sit back and measure the contentment and happiness in his life - he has to do things the way they are now. He'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow shows its face...

*Half-pants/shorts

The Change

It was for quite a while that everything in life was right or wrong for me. There was no third category where I categorized events - I tried to do things that were right and felt guilty for doing things that were in the wrong category. Most things in life are relative - so are right and wrongs. Things have changed now. The guilt has decreased for doing the wrong things now. As you grow up, the guilt takes a corner in the heart, or rather, we push the guilt to occupy one of the darkest corners of the heart. And once you are able to do this is when you lose your innocence and step into the world of adults.

Things are more "me oriented" now. I do things I "want" to do. Hiding is not lying. lol that is what I say to console myself... I do not know if that is a good thing or bad, but that is how it is now. Life is an ever continuing learning process, and I'm doing my part of the learning. And my part of the living as well. Oh well, the only thing that doesn't have place in my life is regrets, after cigarettes!!!

For the time being, people, listen to Delhi-6 (Masakali and Dil gira kahin par dafatan)... Masakali is amazingly mast and dil gira is an awe-filled song. Must listen I say...


P.S: @Satish, I haven't forgotten the post... I know it's taking a bit longer, but yea, trust me, I am going to get it done soon :)

The sun rose today!

I got a chance to see the sunrise today after countably many days!! I saw the dusk turn into dawn and the dawn give way to morning. On the west side of the sky was the moon waxed to its three-fourths and on the east side of the sky the sun was cheerfully spreading its lovely red wings and gracefully coming up past the horizon. An amazing site to see... the very warm sunshine wanted a part of me to believe that it was pleasantly warm outside, but good thing our weathermen have more impact on us to make us believe that despite the tricky warm sunshine, the temperature outside is -34 degrees. Yes, and it was very cold outside! After a meager sleep of 1 hour in the previous night, I couldn't enjoy the morning freshness for a long time :).
And I am very tired at the moment, however, not sleepy :) The insomnia is back!!! :)

Just Another Day!

I sit sharing my hot cup of large coffee with my loneliness at the Timmie's close to my home. Staring out of the Timmie's glass window has become my favourite, and in fact, the only past time these days. Everything's white outside, with the hillocks of snow been reducing in height everyday since the past three days - it hasn't snowed again since then in my part of the world. There's a transit bus shelter right outside the coffee shop which has been abandoned for more than a month now. One side of the shelter has a huge poster reading "Be part of the Solution - Take Transit". It couldn't get more ironic than this, specially at this given time when the public transit of my world has been on strike for more than a month and has crippled a lot of people and businesses alike.

A few cars are on the road - the area's quite and it's 9:40 p.m. on a Sunday evening. A very small bunch of people are out there too - it is minus 13 degrees with the wind blowing at 10 kmph afterall - either they must be bored or need urgent groceries and the transit's not an option. The Timmie's staff is busy doing their chores even if there are no customers in here except for me.

I like this time of the day because I am purely dedicated to my loneliness. We smile, we think, we talk. My companion loneliness hasn't left me ever. It's been there when I have been alone and when I have needed a friend. There have been times when it has been there with me even when I have been amidst people. I've grown so used to its presence and thank it for literally, always being there with me!

But anyway, I am done with the last sip of my coffee and realize it is high time I get to home and have my dinner. Good bye world! It is 10:00 p.m.


P.S. The photograph is not related to the place I was at! It's a picture clicked on the snowy afternoon of 7th Jan 2009 outside my house.

The Cleanup

And now it was the turn of her study room after her room's closet. She was cleaning up her study to determine which items she wanted to discard before moving out. She picked up one paper at a time from pile one and skimmed through its contents and then put them in the second or third pile depending on whether she wanted to keep it or discard it. She held the next paper in the pile, unfolded it and began reading "hmmm so the reply...". Immediately she froze adjusting her eyes to stare into the empty corner of the study. The paper had curved corners and the ink along the folds of the paper had almost washed off with time as well as multiple acts of folding and unfolding the paper. 2 long years and she still decided on continuing to read the reply. It was a two-page long reply that was never sent to the person it was written for. She had no trouble reading the washed off parts of the paper. With tears in her eyes as she read the last line of the letter, "Thanks for being there whenever you were", among other things she tried to think if things would have been any different had she sent the email. May be the agony of being in nowhere would have reduced for her for a couple of months and may be the recipient's agony of knowing the truth so bluntly would have increased for the same amount of time. She was amazed at how untrained and reminiscent her heart had been even now, after it had got a lot more love in the past two years and had loved too. Anyway, there was no point thinking about the right and the wrongs now, when life for her had taken a very peaceful and calm road. She folded the paper back again like it had not been touched in the near past and put it on top of the third pile and continued her chore of picking up the next paper from pile one and skimming through it. A short pause from reading and her glare returned to the empty corner of her present study room once again. While her right hand held the paper she was reading her left hand sneaked to the top of the third pile and slyly shifted the top of stack to the second pile. A deep sigh and the eyes got back to reading the paper in the right hand...

No wonder numerous move outs and move ins and ups and downs have not snatched the heart's ability to reminisce...

Random blah

Everything moves on, they say, with time. And what doesn't move on dies.
And I haven't entirely died. However, certain things do not die, and do not move on either. It's the nature of memories I believe. They do their task - come. I do mine - relive them and die with them.

There's not much I want to say.
Should I? Should I not?
Is it right? Is it not?
Is it needed? Is it not?
Is it expected? Is it not?
Is it wished for? Is it not?
Is it understood? Is it not?
Should I? Should I not?

Songs of these moments:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeypOvsY91Q
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=7E1xbX-QSGY

Dastak

aaj toh dil ka darwaza khol de
ek arse ke baad aaj andar aane de

yaad, tumhari hi dastak ka intezaar tha
tum aaogi, poora poora aitbaar tha

aaj tujhse teri haalat ka hisaab lena hai
ek arse ke baad aaj jawaab dena hai

yaad, mera ek sandesa le ke jana hai
khush rehna, bus itna hi kehna hai

... and counting!

nth number of days since a particular event happened... umpteen number of days for a particular something to happen ... and today is the day when a certain something happened or when I am supposed to do a certain something...

I don't think the counting and tracking ever stops! And I am tired of it! Why am I unable to live 7th January 2009 as 7th January 2009 instead of as 7th January? Why am I unable to realize that 7th January 2009 doesn't exist in history, and that nothing of the past needs to celebrate its anniversary today... Is it the same with everyone :) ?

One day at a time is how anyone should live. There's no future that we are sure about. There's no past that we can hold on to and live. Intangible is the word, my friend!

Someone asked me today, HOW can you bear to hangout with Mr. X!!! And I was reminded of a very old and extremely favorite quotation of mine: Life is too short to love, I wonder how people find time to hate... This, somehow, doesn't go with the flow of what I was saying. However, I put this down to be reminded about this one-time-favorite quote of mine and to incorporate it into my life once more - to not to spend time hating, to live my one day at a time loving :).

I love you people. You all are very special in my life in the date of 7th January 2009. Do not leave me. Do not leave me counting... x days since u been gone, y days since we talked, z days since it's your birthday again and I do not know what to do... Thanks for being a wonderful part of my life, and for being there for me.

Hum hain raahi pyaar ke, phir milenge chalte chalte!!!

D. It is written

I feel like writing; its been a very long time since i wrote last. After a long time, I'm feeling indifferent. I've always refrained from writing when sad, and been too busy to write when happy. Indifference, I like.
I've spent most of December with Shrey and Ashish, and some time with Satish. Now I am unable to construct sentences without swear words. This will change when school begins, and I interact with more members of the general population. Hope that happens soon..

Merry Christmas people! I have been too busy over the Christmas ... My holidays till now have passed faster than I had thought they would. Now, the speed has slowed down. I've had enough of TO by now :) . Very mean of me to say that, but well, it's just true... I am no longer excited for the coming New Year celebrations either... It is just going to be a regular day, which will fly by. I have reasons to be pissed off...

Apart from that, I had a great deal of fun on TO. I am almost ready for my next semester - charged up and all set to go back :).

Now that we're talking about New Year, it is but natural to talk about resolutions too. As I said somewhere last year, new year resolutions are like a fashion of the past. At least for me. I am past new year resolutions. I do not like to make them, and then break them anymore. Someplace just reminded me what I wrote on New Years last year ... "... I got to live once again"... And as the year 2008 is coming to an end, I've started doing that.

Looking back at 2008, I did not lose anything over this year, although I spent time repenting my losses. This year was a year of gains for me. Nothing more I could have asked, nothing more could I have done to make my life better. There have been downs, and a lot many ups... I am thankful to God for making the year 2008 a good year for me. It lacked nothing, absolutely nothing...

And finally talking about a new me, as RC, SB, SK wanted to see, I have changed, somewhat... I think they'll vouch for it too :). There have been some positive and some negative changes as well. But it's ok, I do not have any regrets :)

The year 2009 - I haven't thought about it, because I do not want to. I do not what to want and expect out of it. End of story.

That my friends, again is my story :) Happy New Year to all! May the coming year shower you with all the very best that life has to offer you :) God bless!!

Express it!!

General observation has led me to believe that it is easier for guys to express their feelings than girls. Be it Bollywood movies or real life, it is the same. Can anyone please help me understand the reason behind this? And yes, I am not talking about crying here :P ... Girls definitely hold the first place in that :).

I am talking in more general terms. Gentlemen find it easy to speak up their mind (or heart), but ladies do not. I think gentlemen reading my blog are not going to be of the same opinion as me. I would really like to know peoples' take on this topic!

Longgg time!!

I have been missing for the longest time now! And where have I been? In a world where all that I literally saw was a bunch of assignments, papers, presentations and exams... It sure is a crazy world! CRAZZZZZZZZZY!!
And finally, I am done with my first semester. Can you believe it? It has been a huge change in my life. And positive one at that. Yes, there are days when I go without food :) but I guess it's all good! There are days when I choose between cooking and working, and between sleeping and working. My health hasn't been fine for the longest time either, but I guess it's still all good! And I am luvin' it. I am all set to go home, take a month long break, and hopefully come back revived and refreshed. I really hope my trip home doesn't have any surprises, if you know what I mean! ;)
And the new year is fast approaching as well. 2008 wasn't necessarily a bad year for me. It wasn't. Part of it was, but overall, there have been worst times I can say. I've taken my time to do my part of learning. I am now taking time to do things I want to do, before life starts sucking again :)
A list of stuff is awaiting my attention before I leave for home - from laundry to cleaning to returning library books to filling some crucial number of forms to talking to my supervisor to filing claims to.... urghhh - it is stuff that hasn't been taken care of for more than a month now; I guess I need a to-do-list and start crossing items I need to get done one by one.
I haven't blogged for the longest time either. Call it lack of time, or some contribution of laziness, it will both be true. There were times when I had an urgent need to blog. There were times when I wrote stuff to post it, but haven't done so. My walks, although became infrequent, were still very much not affected by the cold whether (was due to the workload). I feel the need to walk, and Ottawa's cold weather still hasn't come in the way! Oh well, it's not even half as cold as Ottawa gets. It's decent - negative 7 is how far it is as of now and has just snowed two times till now. Ottawa's like my boyfriend - I am always praising it, regardless of the downsides =). Talking about downsides, well there's funnily none! I miss my friends in Toronto, and I miss home. I miss telling my family that my health has not been good and I miss their care, but Ottawa does seem to cover it all up!!
The Mumbai massacre left me in pieces, as it did to a humongous lot of people. And not surprisingly, I got emails about people taking pride in the "spirit of Mumbai" to move on. And about signing some form. Tons of questions I am sure walked around, some answered, some responded to with mugged answers, some, or most, left unanswered in a hope that they will soon drown and die out, as have numerous other questions overtime. It is sadly pathetic. A very bizarre thought comes to my mind - how come the extremely brainless lot of people are ALL being born in the Indian sub-continent? It's disastrous. The everyday humdrum doesn't however, come to a complete hault. Yes, Mumbai has to move on.
That, I guess is it about me! Wasn't that a potpourri? And ppl, I haven't heard from a lot many of you for the longest time as well. Please do tell me how life's been with you all :-).