Of promises and trials

Have promises broken your heart? Empty and un-kept promises? Promises that the maker knew she would be breaking at some point in time? Promises you believed whole heartedly on? Promises and words that meant so much to you that you actually failed to see the reality?

Have people ever told you how selfish the world is and how they hate selfish people, and have the very same people acted as the most selfish people on this earth?

Life sucks - sure it could suck more than now, but you know, human nature. It compels me to complain about the things that ought to have carried a different course than they actually did. Yes, even after reading about the Holocaust.

I realize how my writing has started to suck as well. There's no rhythm, there's no meaning any more. And poetry has been running away from me, as if there never was a relationship between us at any point in time. See how people and things run from you, run from the relationship, run from realities and brutalities? Nevertheless, it's like my fingers urge to kick the keyboard of my laptop and my mind forces me to jot down my thoughts on this piece of modern paper.

But yes, I am trying. I am trying every single way I can. And I cannot help but fool myself by running blindly behind the extremely bright streak of light left by hope, by believing that some day, one random day, I will be a happy soul with no regrets, sorrows, resentments, and dejection, offered as the gifts of life to all blessed souls...

Man and Wife

And now I pronounce thee Man and Wife.

Thus begins the endless saga of expectations, devastations, frustrations and adjustments. Thus begins the tale of a man who expects his wife to cook and clean everyday for him, and for his children some years down the road, and thus begins the tale of a woman who has to give in to her man's (reasonable or unreasonable) demands, and who has to sacrifice and get subdued, who has to be the quick-fix of the relationship, and who will be responsible for everything that goes wrong, always.

Why is the system so deeply infected by the so called male-dominance? Why does the woman have to be sober enough to give in to her demands and feelings, and always do what the man wants to get done? Why is the woman too much caring and feeling for others and why is it not a man's duty as well to understand and accept his lady's wants sometimes? And men have to act haughtily should the lady choose to dictate her will, and that too, as a suggestion!

What we like to say, on the one hand is that in today's world, both genders are treated equal. But sad as I am when I have to say it, it still remains true - that is not the case. Can you drill down to the expectations that you have for your life partner, if I may say, to see where the difference is. On the other hand, we like to say that it's impossible to survive without the other. It shouldn't be called surviving. It should be called sacrificing because that is what it really is. I hate words depicting deceit.

Thankless??

The Holocaust was so terrible - I didn't realize that until I read the personal experiences of people who underwent the pain. It was in the simplest of words, the most inhumane thing that must ever have occurred on earth, and it was truly the worst and the most disgusting of things that I have ever read. It made me sick and I felt like I should not continue reading "Two Lives" any more or at least, skip a few pages overwhelmingly filled with trauma. But regardless, facts seldom change.

And ironical that it's people like us who complain at the smallest of things that happen!

Oh, I have to wake up early to go to work, and I hate doing that!
Oh, I had to skip a meal today because of blah blah!
Oh, I have to cook food for my family everyday; I so hate doing that!
Oh, I felt hot in the office today - I wonder why they can't lower the AC temperature.

Imagine waking up every day not knowing whether it is the last day of your life or you still have to live with God-knows how much pain before a day is proclaimed as your last day. Or imagine living on a one time diet of very thin soup for a number of days, that too at the mercy of some people. Or imagine not knowing what's being done to your family and where they are, worrying about them each passing second. Imagine an endless craving for being in peaceful and happy times with your loved ones around you, cooking, eating, cleaning, laughing together. Or imagine having to sleep on the coldest of grounds with bare minimum clothing... My heart shudders to think about all this, and I really feel thankful for everything that I have.

What I've mentioned here about the conditions of the Jews is probably a very tiny speck of their endless misery during the Nazi rule in Germany. If you still feel like you have more to complain, I urge you to go find some material on the Holocaust and go through it - you'll probably find much more to be thankful about. And I think "Two Lives" is not an entirely detailed account, although it sheds light on some personal details.

And we say, ours is an adjusting life...

Two Lives is a book written by Vikram Seth, an account of a very interesting life of his uncle, whose wife is a German, and had family who were killed by Nazi atrocities.

Shifting gears

"Life is not a movie... Good guys loose.. True love doesn't win... And love does not conquer all...."

LOL! A reflection? A mirror image? A shadowed thought? An identification? And have all words been said there?

And yes, I meant to portray sarcasm in my laugh... is it the same-sun-sign effect? can't be, can it? who knows... or is it the jinx, that RA's been talking about these days? Or the rahu-ketu effect that Shrey's talked about?

but regardless, i feel pity and i wished i was worth more... and that i was able to help somehow. As a matter of fact I know little about the root cause...

Life is about choices and preferences. An optimist is a person with a blindfold on her eyes... A pessimist is a courageous man who has the guts to say the truth of life... And to quote someone who's been added to the list of nice-ppl-i-know, "Hope is certainly not the last thing that comes out of a man!"

And yet, the foolish optimist people like to go on believing on the wonders of hope...

Popcorn, Movie & Masala

I am writing today because I feel like it. I watched Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na today. Cute movie. And oh well, I did feel like Rondhu, when he mentioned he *too* wanted someone in his life, just like Jai had Aditi and Aditi had Jai.

And do I identify with Amit? His best friend, his sister had found other friends, and went too far away from him... I absolutely loved it when Aditi's brother advises her not to marry Sushant...

Everyone's parents were so cool - Jai's not rich at all - no vehicle, not even a cell phone, but Aditi's parents had expected him to marry Aditi, way before he or she even admitted to themselves that they loved the other. Yea, I know what you are going to say - it's a movie. Anything can happen. And to quote something I haven't forgotten, "Aisi baatein movies mein hi achchi lagti hain".

OK this is not to be taken as a review for the movie... Just a collection of my thoughts together with my emotions.

Soch zara jaane-jana tujhe hum kitna chahte hain,
Rote hain hum bhi agar teri aankho mei aansu aate hain
Gana toh aata nahi hai, magar hum phir bhi gaate hain ...

I have been reading "Magic Seeds" by V.S. Naipaul. An average kind of tale, darker than his "Half a Life", and somewhat broken. It seems like the author had no clue with what to do with Willie's life - he had wasted a majority of Willie's life! But I did learn this big word from there: phantasmagoria. The meaning - go figure!

On a side note, I wonder when Rahul would post something on this blog. And talking about Rahul, I hope these Athenian(?) guys are having a good deal of fun!!

Trying this from Firefox Add-on

Ok I got this cool Mozilla Firefox add-on called Scribefire, that actually lets me write to my blog without actually going on to the Blogger website...

And on a side note, I am loving Ubuntu, except the everyday bugs that one comes across.... like the inability to resume properly after sleep =(

And from the toolbar it seems like it is going to let me add images directly from flickr and also youtube!

ok, that's it for now... 1, 2, 3 post ....

Forgotten words.

ok, hi!
.
...
.....
...
.



Bye!


There was something I wanted to say. but like a lot of other things, let's leave this unsaid.

I am missing people

I do not want to go to work tomorrow - nothing unusual about that. I am feeling low - nothing unusual about that too. I am missing tons of people in my life, at this very same moment. I do not think I wish to name all of them.

I so wish to talk to old friends, get in touch with them, find out what waters they are sailing in... I am not doing so for the fear of being questioned... "How's life treating you?"
Well... Period.

It is the awkwardness of that period and the silence after that period that seizes my want.

It's a lonely life, they tell me. And they tell me the truth. Can I bear the weight of loneliness on my frail shoulders? Time, someday, will tell. It's a long life, they tell me, no one can travel the journey alone. I do see a satire, a pun, an irony in there! There are two things - with and without, with referring to not lonely, without referring to lonely.

Rahul, Satish and Shaks are gone as well... Shr isn't here either. Someday, I will not be here too.

us musafir se poocha tha maine
jis raah jaana na tha, uska pata diya mujhe
main bhatak gayee, kho gayee thi
meri duniya hi tabaah ho gayee thi

raste se bhi poocha tha maine
kya koi guzara tha aaj yahan se
jhoot bolna usko bhi khoob aa gaya
bola arsa hua, koi yaha se jab gaya