Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Introspection

Mood of the moment: Very sad
Song of the moment: Lambi Judai (Jannat)

There are the sunny days and there are blue days. There are happy moments and then there are the dismal moments. Why does life have to be this topsy-turvy?

It is usually these moments of introspection that I do not like at all - specially now - I'd rather love to have a vacuum in my mind. Or is it the heart? Well, it doesn't matter. I need vacuum around me. I want to breathe in vacuum now... Plus, these introspections do not lead me to anywhere. I am where I was... Sickly soiled in the sandy areas of the quagmire dragging me, with each passing moment, deep into its center.


raat jab paas se guzarne lagi
subah ki toh ab bhi koi surat na dikhi
aye subah kab tak tarsaayegi mujhe
ke teri aahaton ka intezaar hai kab se..

woh sucha moti jo hatheli pe ja tika
ab woh bhi rehna chahta hai mehfooz
ke hui uski kadar na kahiin bhi
kis ke liye baar baar tu barasa karta hai..

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Bluffers Park - 11 May 2008


This was the place where I spent my weekend. Not as alone as I could have wanted to be, and not as accompanied as I would have wished to be.



It was colder than we thought it would be. Nevertheless, it didn't stop us from going near the scintillating waters of the Bluffers Park. The waves were serenading, and the wind was excited. Go take a look for urself!


The best part was the waves coming and hitting the rocks. And I was so close to the phenomenon - it often felt like the water from the wave would splash on me as well. I simply loved it.



I call to thee
Make me free
Free like thyself
Far from filth
Far from the corrupted crowd

I call to thee
Make me fresh
Like thyself
After injury on injury
From the unfeeling rocks

I wish...

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Matches and matched thoughts!

As I said earlier, the reason I made a comeback in blogging is Meiyang Chang's blog. I was reading this guy's ph-antastic blog, and came across this post

http://buddhasoliloques.blogspot.com/2006/10/shaadi-karwa-do.html

I am sure a lot of people of (about) my age are going to identify with Meiyang's thoughts in this post. Hell I mean, just as he says "As if we have nothing better to do in life!"

Anyway, certain things for us can never never change. I wish live and let live was a mandated rule in God's kingdom ;)

And yes, apologies phor the weird phantasy I am having these days oph typing an eph instead oph an eph and ph instead of a ph ;)

Lose Control!!

Let life take its own course
Let it walk now
Stop holding its hands
It ain't a child any more -
It learns - from mistakes
It trips, but well, moves on
Lose control...




Feel the fresh morning dew
And watch the serene sunset
Experience the horizons
Of hopes and faraway futures
Lose control...


Want not and care not
For the world is a lot, yes lot
better otherwise
Love not and be loved not
For that's none but dangerous
Whatever it be, do not forget to
Lose control...



Let the tear drop fall
Let the pain walk out of life
Smile, reason or none
But over and above all
Lose control...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Coffee Shop

She had to work at this coffee shop whenever they had an extra slot to fill in. She really needed the money that she was making. It wasn't an inexpensive living there.

It was summer time and she was working a night shift. The clock was almost striking 15 minutes past 3 when Ken walked in. He was a regular at the coffee shop. They had a brief chit-chat for a few moments. Ken's forehead depicted those extra lines, typical of a worried mind.

"So what's up? Are you OK?"

"Umm... Oh... Yea. I am fine. I am fine. Just a very trying day."

"Oh". Meanwhile, she prepared his extra-large black coffee with two sugars. As he was paying his eyes welled up.

"I am sorry - I have no money to give you as tip today."

She smiled. "That's absolutely fine."

"The job market is pretty bad. People out there make you work more than what they pay you for, if you find a job that is. I have had to sleep in my car for the last one night, and I have no more money on me".

"Oh! I am very sorry to hear that. I hope things turn out to be better for you".

A long pause. A very silent tear. And finally words to shatter the silence.

"I feel very bad at having to ask you this, but would you happen to have a $20 bill? I promise to pay you back once I get money. This guy 2 blocks south of us has offered me a job, and I hope to get the money in a couple of days from now."

She just could not say no. "Oh! That's OK. If at all I can be of any help". She goes inside the small room that was meant for employees to keep their belongings and reached for her wallet.
Was he lying? Is he making it all up? Will he return her money ever? Is he tricking her? Will he ever come back to the coffee shop?
And not to forget, those were the queries of a bewildered thinking mind. Hers was a mind that was well trained to take over her decisions. But there were also those few times when her heart convinced her to overrule the decisions of her mind. Today was just one of those days.

Worse comes to worse, she would need three more hours of work to get those twenty dollars back. She had a job, and her employer wouldn't say no to her willingness to work for an extra three hours a week. She wasn't as much in need of the twenty dollar bill that was lying idle in the wallet in that small room at the moment.

Alright, so it was all decided. She grabbed the twenty bucks, went out and handed the bill to Ken. "It's OK. Things are going to get better soon. Do not lose hope. And keep the money till whenever you feel you are not in a position to return it".

His voice was breaking down - Kindness wasn't all kicked out of this world. "I cannot thank you enough. I will pay you back in two days from now, and if you aren't working, I will give it to whoever is working here". Saying that, he walked out of the coffee shop.

A week went by. She had begun to forget that she had given twenty dollars to some guy who seemed to be in need. She was still deciding whether it was strange that he hadn't returned to the coffee shop ever since, or was it so obvious for every one except her.

Anyway, the missing twenty bucks hadn't changed much in her life. Life continued as usual.

Business was booming at the coffee shop. The summer sun was on the verge of drowning and autumn was setting in. One day, as she went back to her usual job, her co-worker handed her $22 and a piece of paper. She was surprised, "What is this?"
"Oh! A tall guy with a strong build and a blondish beard came a couple of hours ago and told me to hand this to you. He said it was yours and left you this letter."

The letter read:

Hi There!
Hope life for you is as beautiful as your heart is. Thank you so much for the money that you lent a stranger in his times of need. I had ended up with a job in Winnipeg, and there was really no time to make you aware of my changed circumstances. I was in Toronto for a family affair, and thankfully, hadn't forgotten to repay you. And if the extra two dollars surprise you, it's the tip for the coffee that I got from you on the night of my supposed-doom. And for the light of hope that you lit around me. And for the most cheerful smile on the most needy day of my life.
Perhaps, your faith in the righteousness of your heart might have shook because of no news from me. I still hope that this letter of mine will find your faith in heart's decisions revived...
Lot's of prayers your way from a person who'd be in your debt forever...

I return

I have decided to return to my love. You heard it! It was a very painful departure. It was a very lonely journey. And absolutely yes - I chose it. I chose to quit writing because I thought my words wouldn't be the same anymore. I want all that magic back now.

Believe it or not, but indirectly, Meiyang Chang - the very very cute contestant of the Indian Idol show is my inspiration for getting back to writing this time. I happened to visit his blog while doing a search for his new song. And his poetry somewhat reminded me of mine. He writes beautifully.

The bottom line is I am back.